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Monday, December 6, 2010

December 6, 2010. I fought the Law and the Law Won

I was meant to study Law. I wasn't meant to practice Law! There's a large distinction there.

Studying the Constitution is great. It's a marvelous document. My Diploma from St. John's is written in Latin. I had it translated. The diploma says, "1) Everything that you learn here will be useless in the real world. 2) You're excused from Gym class- signed Epstein's Mother."

I went to Law School at night. Worked full time during the day. After 4 years of this, I had no job and no money. You see, they didn't tell us, that in 1982 in order to get a good job as a Lawyer you had to have graduated from an Ivy League caliber school or be in the top third of your class.

I was in the top third, for one semester. Then the bottom third dropped out. Algebraically, the top third becomes the top half.

But, in 1982 I graduated, passed the bar and ever since have been called Lawyer.

I never intended to practice Real Estate Law, and to be frank, it's kind of boring and redundant. (To paraphrase Robin Williams, "The dictionary, under redundant days 'see redundant.'")

In May of 2006, my Dad had open heart surgery, which forced him at 80 to retire. I was diagnosed with Parkinson's Disease, and the recession was beginning, and I was a Real Estate Attorney. Business fell faster than a Koufax curve. Depression set in. And the warm weather had started, so Nabisco took Malomars off of the shelves.

With too much time on my hands, I started writing. It was a blog called "Memoirs of a Disgruntled Attorney," by JelloMarx. Jello, being the lost Marx Brother could write things that Marc could not. For instance, Jello rewrote the entire score to West Side Story. It became West Wing Story, starring Sarah Palin. It was "The Dems" vs. "The Reps." Perhaps you've heard it's biggest hit, I See Russia
(Sung to the tune of “I feel pretty”)

I see Russia,
Big, Bad Russia,
I see Russia and Russia sees me!
And I will crush her
If you elect me to be VP.

I’m for drilling,
Lots of drilling
It's so thrilling how drilling can be!
So the drilling
Will escalate if you elect me.

I’m the beauty Queen from the Bering Strait:
I got my make up and clothing for free.
Free for a pretty face,
Free for a pretty dress,
Free for a pretty smile,
Free for a pretty me!

I am running
And campaigning,
I’m debating and relating with joy,
While I slander
The Ex-Senator from Illinois!

(The Palin Children sing)

This is my Mother the Former Running Mate,
The most powerful Mom on the ice
She approves of her children who procreate,
As long as we don’t use a Birth Control Device.

She should be VP.
She’d be one heartbeat away.
If she is the VP,
No one would disobey.

Where we live you need heat
Cause it’s zero degrees,
We get Polar Bear meat,
From our local Hardees.

In school we should read the Bible now
Send for Hannity!
Here are the books that she’ll disavow They violate Christianity!

She once was obscure,
But now she’s maligned,
She’s going on tour
Leaving Dad in a bind!

I see Russia,
Big, bad Russia
They despise us because we are free.
Salt Lake City
Is full of real Americans, like me.

Ma ma ma ma . . .

It stopped snowing,
It is sunny,
It’s so sunny and it’s only July,
It’s so sunny,
That my parka is nearly dry!

Ma ma ma ma . . .

I can see the KGB from the Bering Strait:

What KGB where?

You know that he’d rather be free.

Which? What? Where? Whom?

Free for a pretty face,
Free for a pretty dress,
Free for a pretty smile,
Free for a pretty me!

Free for a pretty me!

I am running
To be the first female Pres, you see
It’ll be stunning when I get to see,
the expression
On the face of Hillary C!

"Memoirs" helped to pull me from the funk. It made others laugh and more importantly, it made me laugh. That is better than any prescription.

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