Marky the Parky

Come gather round folks

as our tale does begin

welcome all friends,

 strangers and kin

some 10 years ago

my body more agile

my legs not yet this slow,

my ego not fragile.

Then I was just forty-eight

too blind to foresee

what would be my fate

by age fifty-three.

One day I did realize

my handwriting was small

my assistant said,

“Marc, I can’t read this at all.”

I noticed when driving,

over mountains and rivers

all the time my foot shaking,

I thought I must have quivers.

Driving much faster than I like to go.

Or was the schlamassel in front of me,

just driving too slow.

.

So I found myself thinking

“Have I reached the age,

that time in one’s life

when he must turn the page?”

So I made an appointment

With the good Doctor McNutt

He first stick his long finger

Deep into my butt

“But Dr. my problem,

does not come from that end…..”

He begged to differ,

and told me to bend.

“You have carpal tunnel.

I’m never mistaken.

While I was in there

I found two strips of bacon.

You should be happy,

For there were no problems up your ass

and while I was in there

I also caught this giant sea bass.

Your problems, I fear,

are all in your head.

Go see the head shrinker,

and then off to bed.

I then tried to pay him

with insurance, not dough.

“We don’t accept insurance,

From Larry Curly and Moe.”

So the next day I went

To visit the shrink.

He said, “I can cure you,

But  first fix me a drink.”

So as I fixed the martini,

not stirred ,  but frankly well shaken

he said, “my friend I can tell when you’re fakin.”

“Like all male problems,

this derives from your schmuck.

Tell me, my friend

have you made love to a Duck?”

As I ran out the door, I said

“you are clearly a quack,

before I leave here,

can I have my Sheep back?”

Next was the brain scan.

Or hadn’t you heard?

Not part of my plan

I thought the whole thing absurd.

As I lay on the table,

they played me their tunes.

The feature that day,

was a man playing spoons.

“Your head is just empty.

Is no sign of life.

Just a poor homely man,

An his poor homely wife.”

So next to the doctor,

to check my nerve ending.

This time I’ll be more careful

before starting bending.

But no putting his finger

Where it  didn’t belong,

he said, “I see the problem,

please come along.’

Your arms hang by your side,

like two fish on Canal Street.

And I notice when you walk,

you can’t help but shuffle your feet.’

We are what we refer to

as a ‘classical Parky.’

Don’t look so stunned

I not full of Malarkey.’

Take 10 of these pills,

and you will no longer shake.

Of course you have trouble,

just staying awake.’

Please, be forewarned

if you have an obsession.

Like gambling and sex,

These pills could give you

One  expensive lesson.

Please see this pill,

that I give you today,

can compound those obsessions,

you’ll know who to pay.

At the end of this chapter

I hope you enjoyed reading.

To put me away,

would take a legal proceeding.

Help Me

We all need help once in awhile, even me, so a few weeks ago I decided it's time to look for it. THe first Doctor that I went to see was had a military background CAptain Philip Queeg.

Captain Queeg: "So I can help you find your missing Strawberries."

Me: "Who said anything about missing Strawberries."

Captain Queeg: Don't laugh at me or make jokes because I can prove beyond the shadow of a doubt and with... geometric logic... that a duplicate key to your brain exist, and I can produce that key and find the missing Strawberries."

Mr. "'Doctor who is looking for strawberries, I need dopamine."

I paid the fee and left

The next Doctor was Dr. Vito Corleone. His advertisement was a little "over the top," but then again, so am I. He advertised, "I'll give you a cure that you can't refuse."

Dr Corleone: "So Why didn't you come to see me first? I understand. You found paradise with dopamine. You had a good practice, you made a good living. The police protected you and there were courts of law. So you didn't need a friend like me. Now you come and say "Dr. Corleone, give me justice." But you don't ask with respect. You don't offer friendship. You don't even think to call me "Godfather." You come into my house on the day my daughter is to be married and you ask me to do murder - for money. What have I ever done to make you treat me so disrespectfully? If you'd come to me in friendship, this scum who ruined your daughter would be suffering this very day. And if by some chance an honest man like yourself made enemies they would become my enemies. And then, they would fear you.

Me: "What are you talking about? I don't have a daughter and I and every reader are the one's suffering.

I now decided that it was time to take extreme measures. I would see Dr. Oz.

In order to get an appointment with Dr. Oz, one must first get past nurse Dorothy. Nurse Dorothy has a very unusual method method for screening patients. It often includes the talent show.

Nurse Dorothy in pigtails and wearing a blue plaid dress and ruby red slippers says, "It says here that you are out of Dopamnie. What would you do with dopamine, if you had some?”

I said "What would I do with dopamine if! had some? Well 1..." (I start singing)

"My legs would be like Towers,
I'd be able to smell the flowers.
I'd have a normal dream
And the baseballs I'd be catchin'
I might even get some action,
If I had some dopamine.
I would try to play the fiddle,
touch my toes, not just my middle
And walk and not have to scream."

(Nurse Dorothy sings)
"With the way, you'd be a lookin’
you would really be a cookin'
If you had your dopamine"

(me)
"Oh I, would close my fly.
I'd remember that it zips.
On the dance floor, I'd remind you of the pips.
In the pool, I would do flips.
instead I stand here shakin',
no longer good at fakin'
I'm not part of the in scene
what happened then? I wonder
someone really stole my thunder
when they took my dopamine.

When suddenly the alarm clock goes off. I never had an appointment with Queeg, Corleone or Dr. Oz. It was all a dream.

Parkinson's Paranoia

The gift that keeps on giving.

In my most lucid moments, which are getting fewer and fewer recently, I realize that this has gotten to me lately. 

My sleep patterns are awful, moments of paranoia and complete fatigue.

These all go along with Parkinson's disease. Now just because I am paranoid, does not preclude the possibility that people are really out to get me. 

I'd see a therapist, but I know that she has it in for me. My doctor is in collusion with the therapist, and of course the little green men that follow me everywhere. They especially enjoy going out for bagels. I on the other hand want to know who put a hole in my bagel?

SO this is an example of a lucid moment. God help us when a non-lucid moment appears.


12/7/2014

Mirapex

In the classic TV show taxi. Bobby Wheeler helps the reverend Jim with his road test.

Bobby: Have you ever experienced loss of consciousness, hallucinations, dizzy spells, convulsive disorders, fainting or period of loss of memory? 

Jim: Hasn't everyone?

What we never knew is that Reverend Jim may have been taking Mirapex.

Allergic reaction: Itching or hives, swelling in your face or hands, swelling or tingling in your mouth or throat, chest tightness, trouble breathing

Change in how much or how often you urinate, or painful urination
J
Changes in vision
Chest pain or trouble breathing
Extreme sleepiness or drowsiness

Lightheadedness, dizziness, or fainting

Muscle pain, stiffness, tenderness, or weakness

Seeing, hearing, or feeling things that are not really there

Twitching or muscle movements you cannot control, tremors, problems with balance or walking

This medicine may cause the following problems:

Low blood pressure
Hallucinations
Urges to gamble, spend money, binge eat, have sex, or engage in other compulsive behaviors
An increased risk for skin cancer

This is one of the three medications that I am presently taking.

I have experienced the chest pains, muscle pains, seeing things not there, low blood pressure, lightheadedness, dizziness and compulsive behavior. Unlike Reverend Jim, I hate it.

The question that I must ask my doctor is "is there a replacement that will keep my leg still?". If not which is worse Godzilla or King Kong?

12/5/2014

Depression

Depression and Parkinson's disease is something that I have successfully fought for most of of the past eight years.

When I felt it coming on I would convince myself that this is a waste of time. I would only come our the other end older and having accomplished nothing. If that didn't work I would write about it, by the end of the blog, I would get so pissed at myself because of the self absorption, that by the end I was cursing and laughing at myself.

I had developed this belief that I had a choice I could wake up tomorrow sad with Parkinson's or happy with Parkinson's. Since the Parkinson's was a constant, why not be happy.

Be it the accumulated affect of eight years of meds, the general progression of the disease, an upcoming birthday (birthdays have always been difficult for me. Any of you want an unused birthday?) the change in the weather or being stuck in a room alone up to ten hours a day, this is a tough one.

I'm going to get a haircut. That should cheer me up.

12/4/2014

Spaldeen

Do you remember Spaldings (known in my neighborhood as Spaldeens) and Pensy Pinkies? They were pink rubber balls, that were great for stickball and other games. My dad sold them for $.19. This past week I have been a Spaldeen. I've been bouncing off walls.

One moment I'm sad, the next I'm content (never reached elation), then back to sad again. Friday night, I never fell asleep. Sunday morning in the midst of a Parkinsonian dream, I fell out of bed. Last night was the best night's sleep that I have had in years.

I don't know if it's the pills, The Parkinsons or have I entered the Twilight Zone?

There is a fifth dimension, beyond that which is known to man. It is a dimension as vast as space and as timeless as infinity. It is in the middle ground between light and shadow, between science and superstition, and it lies between the pit of man's fears and the summit of his knowledge. This is the dimension of imagination. It is an area which we call the Parkinsonian Zone.

Submitted for your approval, Marc Sherman, an ethical if not too successful lawyer on Long Island. Life has always come easy for him. Too easy. So now he has entered the Parkinsonian Zone.

This is another dimension. Day after day, I never know what part of me will say, "I'm on strike today."?

Will it be my feet, refusing to sit flat on the floor. Or will it be my legs, shaking constantly. Or my knees, which crack and hurt, because my body mechanics have thrown them out of whack. My bowels, I leave this to your imagination. My arms, that don't want to swing. You should try this, it puts an enormous strain on your neck. Or my mind, that is constantly forgetting things. I am now starting to make lists. However, I forget where I put them.

I promise that this morose mood will end.

12/1/2014

Moods

The past couple of weeks I have been experiencing drastic mood shifts. I don't know if this is the Parkinson's Disease, The medication or just em that have caused these mood shifts.

It appears that mood shifts are not uncommon in Parkinson's. I feel that I am in touch with my Feminine side, I suddenly understand ladies an aspect of PMS. Let me tell you that this is the first side of a Female, that I don't enjoy touching.

Perhaps the changes in my mood and mental functions scare me more that anything else. This seems to compound itself. I get depressed or angry, don't recognize the cause and continue to get angrier and sadder.

This combined with problems sleeping have made me great company recently.

Now that I recognize this problem, I hope that I can deal with it, without additional pharmaceuticals.

11/29/2014

Tired

I think that I’ve hit a wall. Not literally but figuratively. By the way, did you know Webster’s dictionary has changed the definition of literally to include the common usage. That really stinks. What’s next, “irregardless,” or “supposebly.” ? Now where were we?. I was telling you about my wall, every so often I go through this, where I just get frustrated. Yesterday was one of those days.

I’m just tired of all the shit. I’m tired of every day my body doing less and less. Tired of my once photographic memory being shot to hell. Tired of thinking is not the same person I was eight years ago. I want to get up tomorrow, and not have to get up at half-hour early, to take a pill. I want to know what I’m like off of the medication.

I imagine that everybody goes this frustration. Somehow that doesn’t make it easier. I’m tired of faking a good mood so that everybody else can feel better. Tired of sitting up here alone in his office every day.

Yesterday I did hit the wall. I’ll bounce out of it. Always do.

Tomorrow is Thanksgiving. Frankly I have everything to be thankful for. A majority of the world suffers far more than I do. Will be with my family, having the traditional Thanksgiving dinner, chicken Parmesan and spaghetti.

11/26/2014

Word Recognition Software

Because it's sometimes easier for me to stand, I have found the wonders of word recognition software . However, one must be very careful with this. One time a friend asked me how my leg was feeling. A little background: it seems I had torn a muscle in my left calf while walking in Manhattan in April. I answered this friend that the pain was almost gone. What is software picked up was that the penis was almost gone. Imagine the look on this friend's face , when she read that. The moral of the short story is always reread anything before you send it out.

Self discipline

Self discipline has never been my strong suit. Yes it's true that not only have I never smoked a cigarette, I've never even held one in my hands, (That's not discipline, it's brains.) I quit pot on the third or fourth try (If I wanted to be "wasted" I'd root for the Mets.) I've only been drunk once (Simon and Garfunkel in Central Park.) and I didn't jump from bed to bed (This was not a choice. On the Basketball court I couldn't go to my left, in a pick-up bar, I couldn't go to my right or left.) my weakness is eating.

Nathan Hale said "Give me Malomars or give me death!." John Paul Jones said, "My only regret is that I have but one slice of Pizza to give for my country. I ate the other seven!" Abraham Lincoln said "four score and seven donuts ago..." Franklin Delano Roosevelt said, "The only thing that we have to fear is no Haagen Daz." Ben Franklin said "Early to bed, Early to rise, gives you the first shot at the leftovers."

Gluttony and Parkinson's disease, not a good combination. last night we took a dear friend out for his birthday, and despite having timed my Meds well, I could not control the shaking. I had overeaten during the day. Proteins often block the dopamine. Despite loving red meat, I haven't touched it in 2 11/2 years. I rarely show the same, or any discipline with other foods. Last night this resulted in, what may have been, the physically most uncomfortable evening that I've ever had..

So despite all of these iconic quotes, and despite my Patriotism arising from these heroes, I again turn to Lincoln for inspiration, "You can eat some of the cookies, some of the time, but you can't eat all of the cookies all of the time."

11/10/2014

It has gotten to me

It has gotten to me.

I've been irritable and grouchy.

My always caustic tongue has at times been cruel.

This must stop immediately. As my father used to say, "Watch what you say, because once it is uttered, you can't take it back." He also said " What the hell are you doing in there?" We'll address the first one today, and save the second for some other time.

This isn't me. Yeah, I'm sarcastic, I come well armed to a battle of words, but I'm not cruel.

I guess that I'm just tired. I'm tired of shaking, I'm tired of dragging my foot, I'm tired of not remembering all of the things that I'm tired of.

I'm not a spiritual person. To me religion has often been a punchline, but I do wonder why, if this is God's will, I wasn't disinherited.

Note to self: Cut the shit!!

 11/2/2014

The Unseen Benefits

Are there any benefits to having Parkinson's Disease? It can't all be bad. I believe in looking at the bright side of life, ergo (a word that I learned in Law School, which I believe is restricted to use among lawyers. If anybody else were to use it he or she would be charged with being pretentious without a license.) today I dedicate this post to what Parkinson's has done for me.

1) If the Peppermint Twist ever comes back into vogue, I would be a star on American Bandstand. What? What is that you say? They canceled American Bandstand! Curses foiled again.

2) I can save a lot of quarters by not using those vibrating machines attached to the beds in those old Catskill hotels. What? What is that you say? They no longer have those machines? They no longer have those Hotels? Where does Jerry Lewis hang out?

3) all of my friends believe that because of my stone face I am doing a great Buster Keaton impersonation. What? What is that you say? Who was Buster Keaton? No not the kid with the dog in the shoe. That was Buster Brown. Not her either, that;s Diane Keaton, Did you hear me say "Lah-di-dah?" Nobody remembers this comic genius.

4) I mix a great Egg Cream, What? what's that you say? No! you don't need an egg for an egg cream! They don't make those anymore. Maybe I can start a trend.

So what are the benefits to having Parkinson's Disease? Maybe someone can learn enough from me to cure the next guy.

10/30/2014

PPAC

The next two days I will be meeting with "The People with Parkinson's Advisory Council" of the Parkinson's disease Foundation. This is my last year on the council. I like to say that I made a difference, but the truth is, they made a difference for me.

These are vibrant, active people. Despite the Parkinson's none of them feel sorry for themselves. They have taught me a lot, just by being there.

I'm going to miss these people, they mean quite a bit to me. Tom, Fred, Linda and Karen whose leadership kept the council running smoothly. Maria and Elaine, the Texas Neurologist and the New England Nurse, whose compassion and dedication have make be proud to know them and even prouder to call them my friends. Peggy and Steve have already left, but left an indelible mark upon me, Nan, who Bicycles across Iowa and climbs Mt. Kilimanjaro. I can't mention everyone, but they all have taught me that this is not a handicap.

These meetings energize me, and these people have become a part of me.

10/15/2014

Parkinson's->inactivity->boredom-> depression

One of the ancillary problems connected with Parkinson's is the boredom. I rarely go to the office, so I rarely have people around me. Once I enter my home office, I check my mail, and then go to the local bagel place for coffee. This is like a non-alcoholic cheers. Everybody knows my name. The same guy sits in the same seat each day. There is an ignorant "know it all." The day thatI enter and the all yell "Marc," is coming.

Then back to the office to redo the same work that I did yesterday. I always had bad work habits, but now they are non existent. Never a truer statement was made then "if you want to get something done, give it to a busy person."

It is a direct line Parkinson's->inactivity->boredom-> depression. If I can give any advise, keep busy. It makes you happier and healthier,


10/8/2014

The shutter broke

It's been a rough few weeks. Not that I've deteriorated, I don't believe that I have, I'm just very frustrated and a little angry about the whole thing.

I miss me!! I miss the guy who would have reveled in Derek Jeter's hit last night. I miss the guy who on a beautiful fall weekend would go for a walk in Central Park. I miss the guy, who enjoyed his own company. I'm just frustrated. I've conquered this before, I'll conquer it now.

What frustrates me most is that my memory is slipping. I had a nearly photographic memory. It seems that the shutter broke. If my mind is slipping, that would bother me more than my body deteriorating

Oh, fuck this self pity, I'm going for a walk.

9/26/2014

Dorothy gets a job at the Emerald City Neuroscience and Movement Disorder Clinic.

Dorothy gets a job at the Emerald City Neuroscience and Movement Disorder Clinic.

Many years have passed since Dorothy left the land of OZ. Sadly Dorothy and her friends are long gone. Dorothy’s great granddaughter, a young nurse, also named Dorothy, vows to keep the family history alive. She applies, and because of her pedigree is hired, sight unseen, as a nurse at the Emerald City Neuroscience and Movement Disorder Clinic.

Upon her arrival Dorothy is immediately thrown into the fire, so to speak, when Dr. Oz, the mysterious head of the clinic, gives her the job as chief nurse. Elvira, a wicked old nurse, had long sought this job, once held by her late sister, and vowed revenge upon Dorothy.

“I’ll get you, my pretty, and your little job too,” stated Elvira before being escorted from the building.

Dorothy’s first duty is to deal with the Munchkins, a group of very short Insurance Company and drug company sales representatives.

The first patient that Dorothy Encounters is a man in need of dopamine. Dorothy now in pigtails and wearing a blue paid dress and ruby red slippers asks the man.
"What would you do with dopamine, if you had some?”

I said "What would I do with dopamine if! had some? Well 1..." (I start singing)

"My legs would be like Towers,
I'd be able to smell the flowers.
I'd have a normal dream
And the baseballs I'd be catchin'
I might even get some action,
If I had some dopamine.
I would try to play the fiddle,
touch my toes, not just my middle
And walk and not have to scream."

(Nurse sings)
"With the way, you'd be a lookin’
you would really be a cookin'If you had your dopamine"

(me)
"Oh I, would close my fly.
I'd remember that it zips.
On the dance floor, I'd remind you of the pips.
In the pool, I would do flips.
instead I stand here shakin',
no longer good at fakin'
I'm not part of the in scene
what happened then? I wonder
someone really stole my thunder
when they took my dopamine.

Dorothy then goes to the next patient who is complaining of a tremor

When a man just moves like Elvis,
'but can’t control his Pelvis,
Nor any other part..
There is no mistakin’
that because I stand here shakin’
I’d like a new fresh start.
I walk softly-I walk slowly
and all of those who know me
hate to watch me fall apart.
And those friends who have forgotten
I surely would not label rotten
I hope that I’m in their heart.
once was I- A handsome guy. Ladies all would swoon.
How I loved the scent of their perfume
Out on a date
I was Great.
Just to relax sitting by the Ocean, quietly no motion.
Now I shake at every part.
I’m getting old and I'm bitter
And soon may need a baby sitter
I’d like a new fresh start.
__





Dorothy then approaches a third man who complains about constipation and his loss of the ability to smell

Yeh, it' sucks, believe me, nursey,
but something did just curse me
When they took my sense of smell.
I wish that could smell a Hot Dog,
or a fire from a dry log
But I guess it’s just as well.
I'm afraid Constipated,
with a Frank, I’d be frustrated,
When I hear the dinner bell..
So I've have tonight some Ex Lax
No Pizza and No Six Packs
Cause this disease is a living hell..

Lik

My new diet

My new diet.

The effects of Parkinson's are not only what is evident to the outside world. Without getting too graphic, the effects on one's digestive system of both the disease and the pills is tremendous.

I love to eat. That picture is me in my younger days (notice the full head of hair) having my traditional meal of old shoes.

Because an old shoe is so heavy, I can no longer eat one. so on Rosh Hashannah, when I arrive at my mother's home, and she serves the traditional sandal with gefilte fish, she will wonder why her 6 foot 2 inch 240 lb son is avoiding his favorite shoe.

My wife has been trying to get me to quit eating shoes for years. "You can no longer eat like you once did. Leather doesn't agree with you, and as you know laces and velcro are binding."

But still I sneak out of the house, go to the cobbler down the street, for my daily snack of a left foot size seven Puma Clyde, with half an Air Jordan. Someday, I'll learn.

Put me in coach

Put Me in Coach 

Baseball, the greatest game known to man.    When I was young and was a lazy reader, I'd read the Mark Harris stories.   I truly believe that my almost obsessive calculations of batting averages, as a child, earned me 100 points on my SAT.

The game has the strategy of chess, a good pitcher, catcher and manager are thinking many pitches ahead.    There are even stories of Willie Mays calling the pitches from Centerfield.   Tom Seaver once said that he was the only outfielder who wanted to know what pitch Seaver was throwing.  He was smart enough to position himself based upon the pitch and the angle of the bat.

I loved to play.   I wasn't bad. As a kid, before I hurt my back, trying to be Brooks Robinson,   I could hit a ball a mile. and to any field.   That ended when someone threw me a curve ball.  I soon went from Mickey Mantle to Mickey Mouse.   I could catch anything at third base.   Brooks Robinson was my hero.   But unlike the Great Vacuum Cleaner, I would then proceed to throe the ball 20 feet over the first baseman's head.   So eventually I settled at First Base.

I'm sure that I could still swing a bat, catch and maybe even throw.  I haven't done any of this in years, and boy do I miss it.   It's in my blood,  I see a stick and I swing it.   I sometimes stand in my office and swing my barely used cane.

About seven years ago, I went with a friend of mine and his son to the batting cages.  I went into the medium speed cage, and missed the first couple of pitches.    Then the voice of my Uncle Jerry came to me.  "Marc, keep your elbow up!"  I moved my left foot in, raised my elbows and proceed to hit line drives.

On to the fast pitch cage.  Four pitches went by me.  "Cut down on your swing."  a couple of line drives.

For the day, I didn't have Parkinson's.  My feet did what I told them, My hands were able to grip the bat.  My ever present companion was obviously intimidated by a baseball.   He is a wimp.

The moral is,  that I am still here, and someday, I'll sneak out and go back to that cage.  I guarantee that my dreams of being Brooks Robinson, Willie Mays and Mickey Mantle will return if only for a few minutes.

Parkinson's on my Mind

Parkinson's on my mind.

Let me first say, that I am not an expert. I will state no medical facts, I don't know any. This is purely a first hand account.

At 57, I should be hating my work, hoping that I'll be able to someday retire and have a long a fruitful life. But at age 49 my life veered off the highway.

My immediate reaction was fear. I knew nothing about this disease. Some of the articles that I read even indicated that they were "5 years from a cure." That it appears was an exaggeration. Some people still say that. I wish that they'd stop. It is very cruel.

Since much of my problem, at the time of diagnosis, manifested itself in my driving, I would have terrible panic attacks when I had to drive. I felt like somebody had stolen my instincts.

I also was depressed, probably not clinically depressed, but the type of depression that we all know. I hated going to sleep, I hated waking up, I felt sorry for myself.

As years have passed, I find that it has had other mental effects. I was very quick with numbers, now I find that I have problems. I often do exercises to keep this strong. I'll figure out bating average in my head. But, I'm not what I once was.

There are times when my medications and fading and it's too early to take another dosage, that I have to fight myself to keep going.

The biggest mental problem is that it is always with me. when I sleep, shower, eat, work, watch television, go to the bathroom etc... it is always there. There is no escaping it. There are times that I want to scream when somebody mentions Parkinson's Disease. It has become my life. I am no longer a husband, child, lawyer, class clown. I am a Parkinsonian.

STRANGE DAYS INDEED

Strange Days, Indeed.

These days are strange.  I've actually done more work the last three days than in any three day period since I left my office.   But, there are those pockets, during the day when I can't lift my head and  my legs shake like the magic fingers of a bed in a cheap Catskills Motel in the 1960.     What happens when this occurs while I conducting business?

Strange that you should ask that question, because to a limited extent it occurred yesterday during a closing.     I had timed the pills wrong.       I know that this is always a possibility, so I attempt to do as much as possible before I walk in to the closing.


Math, Algebra, Geometry never scared me.   I was good with numbers.  In my father's store, at slow times, the staff would often try to see if they could put double digit multiplication into a calculator, before I could do it in my head.   I won at least 50% of the time.   One of the few things that I like about what I do is that I have the opportunity to use Algebra and Geometry.    What pisses me off, is that I now have to rely upon a calculator.   Is this a function of age or of Parkinson's disease?

I left my office in 2008.      I have strange, many would call bad work habits.  I work for 20 minutes, get up and pace for 5 and then work again.    When I used to pace at the office, I would talk to someone.  Now, for the most part I'm alone.   I don't mind it sometimes, we all need our time to ourselves, but for the  most part I need people.

I don't have the most exciting job.   I'm an Attorney specializing in Real Estate and Estates.   If you had asked me 10 years ago if I liked my work, I would have laughed.   Now, my main goal is to not quit until it is my choice.    Parkinson's has no choice in this matter.

So today, I will tell clients the same tired jokes.   They will laugh, because it's the first time that they've heard them.  For me, I've honed them over thirty plus years of practice.    At the end of the day, I will hope to tell them tomorrow.

The things that you enjoy doing, were never as much fun as when they are taken away.

I was happiest when I was writing. Today will start again.

I often wonder if it is preferable to ignore the inevitable.

I don't do the things that I love, because of the consequences each now carries.

I don't go to the Stadium, anymore. I loved going to Ballgames. Not so much night games, but an afternoon at Yankee Stadium was my idea of heaven. I never drank much, and in the afternoon it was more of a family crowd, I was more comfortable there. Now I don't drive, I'm afraid of being jostled on the Subway, The heat gets to me, and the fear of the steep steps. I'm afraid of the possible consequences so I avoid something that I love.

I no longer eat red meat. I loved a good hamburger. The best one that I ever had was at a tavern in an inn outside of Woodstock, Vermont. They put Maple syrup in it. I only ate half. I gave half to my wife. It's been 15 years since I had that burger, but I still taste it. Protein blocks the dopomine. If I had Red Meat, I would shake all day. I can't work. But would it be worth it to taste that burger again?

I don't go to the Theater. I can't sit still for prolonged periods of time. If I were to go, I would have to have the back seat, on the right aisle in the orchestra. I miss the theater. New York has many great and unique features, but there is nothing like Broadway.

Speaking of New York's many features, my favorite spot in the world, may be Central Park. It's the place that I hit the longest home run of my life, hobbled around the bases on a torn ankle, in front of a young lady whom I had a crush on. It's the place that I saw Elton John and Simon and Garfunkel. At Simon and Garfunkel, it may have been the only time in my life that I was seriously drunk.

When my dad was ill, I would go into Manhattan on Sunday Morning, spend the morning with him, and then walk to Fifth Avenue, making sure to look at the vendors outside of the Met, and walk into the park. I'd often take my camera. One day I saw this beautiful Orange Crested Bird. I took a picture. A British couple asked me what kind of bird it was. I said, "I think that it's an Oriole, but they are not in town this weekend." It fell on deaf ears. The moral is know your audience. Now the only time that I enter Central Park is for the Parkinson's Walk.

Fear of falling, fear of shaking, fear of sweating, fear of fear.

The things that you enjoy doing, were never as much fun as when they are taken away.

L

A Day in The lIfe

A Day in The Life

Alright, today's my day off, I don't have Parkinson's disease today. I'm going to pop right out of bed. Well maybe not, I gotta take a pill if I'm going to pop. I'll start not having Parkinson's disease after I take the pill.

Okay no Parkinson's disease the socks should go on easy . Come on, come on , you can do better than that. I remember a time when they would slip on in less than 5 minutes.

Finally got them on. Time for breakfast. No Parkinson's disease , how about some steak and eggs? Better not. This is fantasy, I haven't had sex in 2 years, it seems that blocks the meds. Better not take a chance.

Time for a walk, a run today. I can do it I'm healthy as can be. Wait a second, because of my gait I tore my calf muscle last week. Better not run.

Wow how did that walk take 45 minutes ? After all it was only half mile. Time to stop for a cup of coffee.

This is strange . I'm having difficulty getting out of my chair , and as I sit here my leg is shaking. Luckily for me I brought my meds . Despite the fact that I don't have Parkinson's today I'll take a pill no one will notice. I want to wait 30 minutes , until the meds take full effect.

Oh the hell with this, I'll wait for tomorrow not to have parkinson's

WHEN IN DOUBT, BLAME YOUR MOTHER

There was an old joke, " what is the most common disease carried by Jewish mothers?" " guilt."

Unfortunately this isn't the case, studies have shown a higher percentage of Jewish people of Eastern European descent suffer from Parkinson's disease than most other than most other ethnicities. Studies have further found that the same gene that carries Parkinson's disease in these same Eastern European or Ashkenazi Jews may carry Crohn's disease.

So that although no close family member that I know of had Parkinson's disease , my dad and at least three other members of my family suffered or currently suffer from Crohn's disease.

So once again blame comes back to the same culprit. Thousands of years of inbreeding and of Jewish mothers, telling their sons to avoid those with blonde hair and blue eyes has caused this mutation.

I don't blame mom, this is a cruel trick that nature played, not unlike making most great Chinese food non kosher.

If you ever go searching for your heart's desire, don't go further than the twilight zone.

I don't write like I used to do.    That's because of a myriad of reasons     1)  There is little more to say that hasn't been said by me or somebody else before;  2) When I started writing I was inspired.  I would wake up in the morning with an idea, and watch it take life as it was being written.   Like many things in my life,  I'm not as excited now;  3)  It's more difficult for me to do it.

Number 3 hurts.    I walk slower, I work slower and at times I think slower.      When I was younger, the people who worked for my father would test me doing double digit multiplication in my head.  Most time I could have the answer before they keyed it into the calculator.  Now, as a function of age, I don't expect to be that fast, but I'm slower than I expected.      This bothers me.   Sure, because I have good moments and bad moments (Now is a particularly good moment.)    and I still deny that Parkinson's has slowed my mind, but, it has.  

Is it worse to have your body fall apart or your mind?   With Parkinson's you may get both.

Although I love the law, I hated being a Lawyer.  The training was the right training for me.  I taught me how to think, but then it sent me into a world of Lawyers.   I just had an image of Rod Serling in the opening for the Twilight Zone.

" Submitted for your approval,  one Marc Sherman, an affable fellow about to enter a world of pompous, arrogant people.  He's is entering the Twilight Zone."

However, now that I can't accomplish all that I used to accomplish, I have a determination to do all of the work that I used to do.  Is that natural?  Is that Human Nature?  I think that it is my own determination to survive.

"So what have you learned, Dorothy?"   "That although I may not have known,  I already had my heart's desire.  That is to be myself, and not even Parkinson's can take that away."