I guess that we all grow up. But whoever thought that it would happen to me.
I was the "goof off" in Junior High School, but because of class sizes in New York City, a natural talent for Math and an almost photographic memory, I almost got away with it. I say almost, because my folks saw right through me. They sent me to a private High School, where it was believed that I couldn't get away with "goofing off." To a limited extent they were right.
In small classed in High School, with Teachers who were worried that the sharpest weapon a student would threaten them with was his or her tongue I was revealed for the underachiever and class clown that you see before you.
Modest grades, but high standardized test scores, got me into the most mediocre of local colleges. Where on occasion I would work.
Slightly better grades and again decent test scores got me into a fairly decent Law School. There I must admit, I worked hard, but just hard enough to be an average Law Student and pass the bar.
I've always taken care of my clients, but I've never had a taxing practice.
I've never wanted to grow up.
My hobbies went from Baseball and Hockey, which due to the inevitable limitations caused by age, to writing.
I love to write. So I was honored when the Parkinson's Unity Walk wanted to make my team the "Shining Star" for the month of July. Asking me to write is a dangerous request. My writing is different. It has been described as "conversational," "irreverent," "pithy," "inane" and "confusing, "
Judge for yourself.
Wednesday, June 27, 2012
Monday, June 11, 2012
Yesterday I drove.
Now that doesn't seem like such a big accomplishment, but it was the first time since last September that I was behind the wheel. I drove from Norwalk, Connecticut to my home. About 50 miles.
I think that I am learning how my body reacts. I've learned to time the meds., so that they are at their peak when I need them to be. That is what I did yesterday. Although I was a little tired towards the end of the drive, I did fine. (Aside to that little old lady that I knocked over, I'll pay for a new walker.)
This is so strange to list this among my accomplishments. But, you don't realize how much you miss something until it is taken away from you.
In many ways I am now a better driver than I was before. We get careless as we take something for granted. I may annoy the people behind me, but a stick to the speed limit and make full stops at all stop signs.
I'm not returning to driving full time, but it's nice to know that in a pinch, I can and I'm not dangerous.
Saturday, June 9, 2012
Despite my denials and my attempts to not let the disease dictate my life, I'm afraid that certain concessions have been made.
For one. I have recently noticed that I've become a "homebody." I don't venture too far from my home. This was not a conscious decision, but a behavioral change that evolved from necessity and a little fear.
As much as it troubles me to admit this, but I am now dependent upon other people. I must now "Depend upon the kindness of strangers"
I wonder if you're aware how difficult that is for a man to acknowledge. The male ego is a very big (like all parts) yet very fragile (also like all parts). This is a part of the illness that the doctors ignore.
I realize that macho allegedly went out with Fernando Lamas. Well that's is bullshit. Right or wrong, Helen Reddy did not destroy thousands of years of conditioning. It is still extremely difficult for a man to accept the fact that he is dependent.
So I can hear it now, the caretakers out there saying, "We cook,we clean, we drive, we earn, now somehow we've got to boost his ego." I'm not asking that. Your lives are tougher than ours. Just be aware that this is what we may be going through.