Come gather
round folks
as our tale
does begin
welcome all
friends,
strangers and kin
some 10
years ago
my body
more agile
my legs not
yet this slow,
my ego not
fragile.
Then I was
just forty-eight
too blind
to foresee
what would
be my fate
by age
fifty-three.
One day I
did realize
my
handwriting was small
my
assistant said,
“Marc, I
can’t read this at all.”
I noticed
when driving,
over
mountains and rivers
all the
time my foot shaking,
I thought I
must have quivers.
Driving
much faster than I like to go.
just
driving too slow.
.
So I found
myself thinking
“Have I
reached the age,
that time
in one’s life
when he
must turn the page?”
So I made
an appointment
With the
good Doctor McNutt
He first
stick his long finger
Deep into
my butt
“But Dr. my
problem,
does not
come from that end…..”
He begged
to differ,
and told me
to bend.
“You have
carpal tunnel.
I’m never
mistaken.
While I was
in there
I found two
strips of bacon.
You should
be happy,
For there
were no problems up your ass
and while I
was in there
I also caught
this giant sea bass.
Your problems,
I fear,
are all in
your head.
Go see the
head shrinker,
and then
off to bed.
I then
tried to pay him
with
insurance, not dough.
“We don’t
accept insurance,
From Larry
Curly and Moe.”
So the next
day I went
To visit
the shrink.
He said, “I
can cure you,
But first fix me a drink.”
So as I
fixed the martini,
not stirred
, but frankly well shaken
he said, “my
friend I can tell when you’re fakin.”
“Like all
male problems,
this derives
from your schmuck.
Tell me, my
friend
have you
made love to a Duck?”
As I ran
out the door, I said
“you are clearly
a quack,
before I
leave here,
can I have
my Sheep back?”
Next was
the brain scan.
Or hadn’t
you heard?
Not part of
my plan
I thought
the whole thing absurd.
As I lay on
the table,
they played
me their tunes.
The feature
that day,
was a man
playing spoons.
“Your head
is just empty.
Is no sign
of life.
Just a poor
homely man,
An his poor
homely wife.”
So next to
the doctor,
to check my
nerve ending.
This time I’ll
be more careful
before
starting bending.
But no putting
his finger
Where it didn’t belong,
he said, “I
see the problem,
please come
along.’
Your arms
hang by your side,
like two
fish on Canal Street.
And I
notice when you walk,
you can’t
help but shuffle your feet.’
We are what
we refer to
as a ‘classical
Parky.’
Don’t look
so stunned
I not full
of Malarkey.’
Take 10 of
these pills,
and you will
no longer shake.
Of course
you have trouble,
just
staying awake.’
Please, be
forewarned
if you have
an obsession.
Like
gambling and sex,
These pills
could give you
One expensive lesson.
Please see
this pill,
that I give
you today,
can
compound those obsessions,
you’ll know
who to pay.
At the end
of this chapter
I hope you
enjoyed reading.
To put me
away,
would take
a legal proceeding.
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