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Sunday, December 14, 2014

Marky the Parky

Come gather round folks
as our tale does begin
welcome all friends,
 strangers and kin
some 10 years ago
my body more agile
my legs not yet this slow,
my ego not fragile.

Then I was just forty-eight
too blind to foresee
what would be my fate
by age fifty-three.

One day I did realize
my handwriting was small
my assistant said,
“Marc, I can’t read this at all.”

I noticed when driving,
over mountains and rivers
all the time my foot shaking,
I thought I must have quivers.
Driving much faster than I like to go.
Or was the schlamassel in front of me,
just driving too slow.
So I found myself thinking
“Have I reached the age,
that time in one’s life
when he must turn the page?”

So I made an appointment
With the good Doctor McNutt
He first stick his long finger
Deep into my butt

“But Dr. my problem,
does not come from that end…..”
He begged to differ,
and told me to bend.

“You have carpal tunnel.
I’m never mistaken.
While I was in there
I found two strips of bacon.

You should be happy,
For there were no problems up your ass
and while I was in there
I also caught this giant sea bass.

Your problems, I fear,
are all in your head.
Go see the head shrinker,
and then off to bed.

I then tried to pay him
with insurance, not dough.
“We don’t accept insurance,
From Larry Curly and Moe.”

So the next day I went
To visit the shrink.
He said, “I can cure you,
But  first fix me a drink.”
So as I fixed the martini,
not stirred ,  but frankly well shaken
he said, “my friend I can tell when you’re fakin.”

“Like all male problems,
this derives from your schmuck.
Tell me, my friend
have you made love to a Duck?”

As I ran out the door, I said
“you are clearly a quack,
before I leave here,
can I have my Sheep back?”

Next was the brain scan.
Or hadn’t you heard?
Not part of my plan
I thought the whole thing absurd.
As I lay on the table,
they played me their tunes.
The feature that day,
was a man playing spoons.

“Your head is just empty.
Is no sign of life.
Just a poor homely man,
An his poor homely wife.”

So next to the doctor,
to check my nerve ending.
This time I’ll be more careful
before starting bending.

But no putting his finger
Where it  didn’t belong,
he said, “I see the problem,
please come along.’

Your arms hang by your side,
like two fish on Canal Street.
And I notice when you walk,
you can’t help but shuffle your feet.’

We are what we refer to
as a ‘classical Parky.’
Don’t look so stunned
I not full of Malarkey.’

Take 10 of these pills,
and you will no longer shake.
Of course you have trouble,
just staying awake.’

Please, be forewarned
if you have an obsession.
Like gambling and sex,
These pills could give you
One  expensive lesson.
Please see this pill,
that I give you today,
can compound those obsessions,
you’ll know who to pay.

At the end of this chapter
I hope you enjoyed reading.
To put me away,

would take a legal proceeding.

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