There are days that I forget how I used to feel.
Was it ever normal not to take medications to get started in the morning?
Was there a time that I could sit at my desk without my legs shaking?
Did I ever stand still? Now it seems that any time that I attempt to stand still, I step backwards.
Was my handsriting ever legible?
Did I ever get up from a chair without a struggle?
Obviously the answers are yes. Although, I've been optimistic, there are those days, that the frustration, of realizing that these simple things are all history, gets to me.
Yesterday was such a day. I had two appointments. That's good. They were both at the same local, my old office in Syosset, that too is good. However, I took the subway to the train and the train to Syosset. While standing on the freezing platform, I remembered making that drive 250-300 days a year, for more years than I can remember.
So I felt sorry for myself. It happens every once in a while.
Today my goal must be to "snap out of it." Remember that I'm still working. That I have friends, that allow me to use their offices, where I can see clients, and remain vital.
So today I will think about the fact that I had two appointments yesterday, that will generate work, which will generate income.
Nearly six years after being diagnosed, I'm still working full time. Although I must rely upon others, I stil mostly rely upon myself. I'm lucky that I have those others to rely upon when needed.
Yes, I have difficulties, and yes I will occasionally be down, but I'm granting each of you the license to say,
"wake up," when I do go through a period like that.