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Thursday, September 11, 2014

Parkinson's on my Mind

Parkinson's on my mind.
Let me first say, that I am not an expert. I will state no medical facts, I don't know any. This is purely a first hand account.
At 57, I should be hating my work, hoping that I'll be able to someday retire and have a long a fruitful life. But at age 49 my life veered off the highway.
My immediate reaction was fear. I knew nothing about this disease. Some of the articles that I read even indicated that they were "5 years from a cure." That it appears was an exaggeration. Some people still say that. I wish that they'd stop. It is very cruel.
Since much of my problem, at the time of diagnosis, manifested itself in my driving, I would have terrible panic attacks when I had to drive. I felt like somebody had stolen my instincts.
I also was depressed, probably not clinically depressed, but the type of depression that we all know. I hated going to sleep, I hated waking up, I felt sorry for myself.
As years have passed, I find that it has had other mental effects. I was very quick with numbers, now I find that I have problems. I often do exercises to keep this strong. I'll figure out bating average in my head. But, I'm not what I once was.
There are times when my medications and fading and it's too early to take another dosage, that I have to fight myself to keep going.
The biggest mental problem is that it is always with me. when I sleep, shower, eat, work, watch television, go to the bathroom etc... it is always there. There is no escaping it. There are times that I want to scream when somebody mentions Parkinson's Disease. It has become my life. I am no longer a husband, child, lawyer, class clown. I am a Parkinsonian.

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