I haven't written for days, because I wanted a time out. For a few day I wanted to be Marc. I didn't want to be "Marc with Parkinson's." The disease has come to define who I am.
It's not possible to escape oneself. When you're tired of a co-worker, you get to leave at the end of the day. When you're tired of a friend, you avoid them for awhile. Even if you're tired of your spouse, you can take a walk. You can't get away from yourself.
I don't usually mind my own company. I make me laugh. But lately, even my jokes are Parkinson's related. So, I'd love to just to have one week that I needed no prescription, one week to take a walk in Central Park, without straining, one week to take a day trip with my wife to Southern Vermont, One week to go to Yankee Stadium. I didn't realize how much I loved these activities, until they became difficult.
I can't escape it, no more than I can escape aging. It's now a permanent part of my life. It's with me during the strains of waking. It's with me during the dreams of sleeping. It effects how I get out of bed, brush my teeth, dress, sit at my desk, eat my lunch, walk, talk and even go to the bathroom.
So if I'm stuck with you, Mr. P., you're stuck with my Parkinson's jokes.
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