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Tuesday, May 17, 2011

May 13, 2011. Dignity

I'm not afraid of dying. I'm not embarrassed by my condition. I am however terrified of losing my dignity. Now I’ll bet that your first thought is, “A guy who puts is picture, with a fake nose and glasses on a t-shirt, is worried about dignity?”

Dignity is a personal thing. If I do something foolish or silly with the intention of getting a laugh, or lightening up an otherwise tense situation, that’s got nothing to do with dignity. As long as I feel that I still have it, I still have it!

But, ending my days in a Nursing home would devastate me. Losing the ability to complete the necessary functions of daily living is my greatest fear. The thought of somebody having to brush my teeth, help me with toileting, etc….is why I continue to fight.

It’s been a tough few weeks. I’ve been a bit absent minded and wobbly.

When I was younger, I had a photographic memory. The fact that the shutter is now broken, and I may be out of film alarms me. I don’t know if this is a function of age or Parkinson’s.

People with Parkinson’s often have periods of freezing. Not temperature wise, but suddenly not being able to move. This happens to me, only when I get out of chairs. It’s been happening more often.

The last few years have been the perfect storm. The Parkinson’s which caused a depression, and forced me to move the office, combined with the worst economy in 70 years, has been devastating to my business.

I don’t want to give the wrong impression. I don’t feel sorry for myself. On the contrary, people have been so good to me that I realized that I’ve got a lot to live for.

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