June 9, 2012. I've always depended upon the kindness of strangers

Despite my denials and my attempts to not let the disease dictate my life,  I'm afraid that certain concessions have been made.

For one. I have recently noticed that I've become a "homebody."   I don't venture too far from my home.   This was not a conscious decision,  but a behavioral change that evolved from necessity and a little fear.

As much as it troubles me to admit this,  but I am now dependent upon other people.  I must now "Depend upon the kindness of strangers"

I wonder if you're aware how difficult that is for a man to acknowledge.  The male ego is a very big (like all parts) yet very fragile (also like all parts).  This is a part of the illness that the doctors ignore.

I realize that macho allegedly went out with Fernando Lamas.  Well that's is bullshit.   Right or wrong,  Helen Reddy did not destroy thousands of years of conditioning.  It is still extremely difficult for a man to accept the fact that he is dependent.

So I can hear it now, the caretakers out there saying, "We cook,we clean, we drive, we earn, now somehow we've got to boost his ego."  I'm not asking that.  Your lives are tougher than ours.  Just be aware that this is what we may be going through.