There has been a recent noticeable change in my body and mind. I've slowed down physically. I still go out every day, but I'm content staying close to home. I've developed fear. I don't believe that there has been any change in my mental capacity, or strangely in my mood.
Walking is a struggle,. Even when I'm able to time my walks around the meds, the heat is overbearing. The sweat pours out of me. The subway cars are air conditioned, but the platforms oven exceed the heat on the street. Stand next to a pungent New Yorker in a black suit on a subway platform in August. Even Dick Cheney would consider this torture.
I also have developed a fear of subway steps. They're often wet and covered with food wrappers. As opposed to the trains themselves that are covered with "singing" rappers.
But, my mood hasn't changed. That's strange, because when I was younger, I could be morose. I'm not anymore, I don't entirely know why, but I'm not going to question that.
It's an awkward feeling to know that in many ways, your best days are behind you, and you failed to appreciate them.