July 12, 2011 Marc the Park

One day I did realize
my handwriting was small
My Assistant said, “Marc,
I can’t read this at all.

I found myself driving over
Mountains and Rivers,
All the time my foot shaking
I must have the quivers.

I’m driving much faster
Than I like to go
Or was the Schlimazel before me
Just going too slow?

I’ve spent my life healthy
Despite my large girth
I wasn’t concerned,
There’s still room on this Earth

So I found myself thinking
“Have I reached the age,
That time in one’s life, where time turn’s a page.”
So I made an appointment, with the Good Dr. McSage
Who places his index finger, inside of my Cage.

“But Doctor my problem
Does not come from that end….”
He disagreed and told me again to bend

“You have Carpal Tunnel, I’m not mistaken,
And while I was in there I found this piece of bacon.
Not really,” he said, “I was just fakin.”

He said these problems you have
are not up your ass,
but while I was up there,
I caught this Sea Bass.

Your problems, I fear
Are all in your head.
Go see the head shrinker
And then off to bed!

I then tried to pay him
With Insurance, not dough.
“We don’t accept Insurance,
From Curly, Larry and Moe.”

So I next day I went
To visit the Shrink.
He said, “I can cure you.
Please pour me a drink.”

“Your problem you see
Comes from your Schmuck.
Tell me, have you ever made
Love to a duck”

As I ran to the door,
I said, “you’re clearly a Quack.
Before I leave here, can I
Have my Sheep back?”

Next I was scheduled
To get a brain scan
I’ll tell you right now
It wasn’t my plan

So I lay on this table
And listened to their tunes
The feature was two guys
Named Elmer, playing the spoons

Inside my head they said
There was nuthin’
Just a poor homeless family
Eating Turkey with stuffin’

So next to the Doc
To check my nerve ending
This time I’ll be more careful
When I start bending

Without sticking his finger
Where it doesn’t belong
He said, “I see the problem,
Please come along.”

“Your arms hang at your side
Like two fish on Canal Street.
And when you walk,
You shuffle your feet.”

You’re what we refer to
As a classical Parkie
I’m not pulling your leg
I’m not full of Malarky

Take these ten pills
To stop your tremor and shake
Of course you’ll have trouble
Remaining awake

So that was my story
Which I hope that you enjoyed reading
To put me away
Would take a Legal Proceeding.