August 7, 2011. Hey, Hey Parkie Paul and Paula

In many of these Parkinson's on line support groups, mascots have been adopted, who the members write posts through. Names such as Parkie Paul and Parkie Paula, can be found making their Parkie Proposals. Their intentions are admirable. But they are talking to people who, euphemistically, are called middle aged, who, for the most part, don't want to be talked to by a cartoon character.

Parkie Paul, speaks to me about what to do about the stiffness in my legs. What about the embarrassment of knowing that because of that stiffness, if I give my bus seat to that elderly woman who just got on the bus, odds are, that I might fall when the bus driver stops short. And if I don't I feel miserable.

Parkie Paula speaks to you like you're a child, not a middle aged person, experiencing a life altering disease. and coming to terms that you may never again do some of the things that you love to do. If you were an artist, you may never paint again. A weekend athlete, who may have hit his last home run. A cook, who can no longer measure a cup.

Hey, Hey Paula, how do I deal with the fact, that I don't drive anymore? Hey, Hey Paul do you wan't to tell me how not to be embarrassed, by having difficulty tying my laces in public.

What about the private matters. The one's that a middle aged man, born during the Eisenhower administration, wont speak about in public.

Don't get me wrong, I applaud your intentions, but I am an adult, not a child, I don't need a cartoon advising me. I find it Parkie Pathetic. Unless, of course, it's my old friend, Parkie Perv. (above).

August 4, 2011

Parkinson's and I have decided to have a trial separation. I will stay in New York, he or she, is going on a trip. I will be loyal to him and not get any other major neurological diseases. I hope that he is loyal to me, I would hate to see him with another. He can be very trying at times.

So for the next two weeks, i won't talk about him, I won't write about him.

He will be difficult to escape, because he is now such a large part of my life. I think about him when I eat, when I walk, when I talk, when I button my pants, when I get up from a chair.

For the next two weeks, he's promised to leave me alone.

Now wouldn't that be wonderful. We can always take a vacation from work, friends, relatives, even spouses. But we can't get out of our own way, so to speak. So this is how, I'm coping with it, for the next two weeks, we will go our separate ways.

August 1, 2011.

I've been remiss in my writing lately. Partly because for the first time in three years, my business seems to be back on the right track. Partly because there is little to say.

Parkinson's is not an overnight disease. There is a gradual deterioration. Although I fight it, I have noticed it recently. I keep hoping that it is just the summer heat getting to me, and it might be just that.

Walking outside has been more difficult. I find that I know every park bench in Forest Hills.

May I digress for a second? Some time ago, while walking on Third Avenue, I came across a group of park benches. On them was the following sign, "No Loitering." Can somebody tell me, what else one can do at a park bench, besides Loitering?

My spirits are good.

It's strange, somebody posted something the other day regarding fortune tellers. Being the world's most concrete person, I believe in fortune tellers as much as I believe in Leprechauns.
But even if I didn't think that they were charlatans, why would I want to know the future. I intend to keep living my life until I no longer am living. All that time I will haunt you people with bad puns and song parodies.

July 17, 2011. The ain't no cure for the summertime blues.

Summer heat and Parkinson's Disease don't go well together. Except when there is a rare reprieve, I've basically curtailed my walking. Two blocks and I am soaking wet.

I loved the summer as a kid. Almost nightly we'd get together whatever friends were home for a game of softball. The idea of staying in the house, would never occur to us. I love modern technology, but with it we pay a price. Do kids today play wii or guitar hero indoors rather then go out? I wouldn't trade childhoods with today's generation for the world.

I drove on Thursday. The first time since I hurt my back, nearly two months ago. I did fine. I did about 70 miles.

The disease progresses slowly, but there are noticeable signs.

My work, however, is improving. More business and better concentration.

July 12, 2011 Marc the Park

One day I did realize
my handwriting was small
My Assistant said, “Marc,
I can’t read this at all.

I found myself driving over
Mountains and Rivers,
All the time my foot shaking
I must have the quivers.

I’m driving much faster
Than I like to go
Or was the Schlimazel before me
Just going too slow?

I’ve spent my life healthy
Despite my large girth
I wasn’t concerned,
There’s still room on this Earth

So I found myself thinking
“Have I reached the age,
That time in one’s life, where time turn’s a page.”
So I made an appointment, with the Good Dr. McSage
Who places his index finger, inside of my Cage.

“But Doctor my problem
Does not come from that end….”
He disagreed and told me again to bend

“You have Carpal Tunnel, I’m not mistaken,
And while I was in there I found this piece of bacon.
Not really,” he said, “I was just fakin.”

He said these problems you have
are not up your ass,
but while I was up there,
I caught this Sea Bass.

Your problems, I fear
Are all in your head.
Go see the head shrinker
And then off to bed!

I then tried to pay him
With Insurance, not dough.
“We don’t accept Insurance,
From Curly, Larry and Moe.”

So I next day I went
To visit the Shrink.
He said, “I can cure you.
Please pour me a drink.”

“Your problem you see
Comes from your Schmuck.
Tell me, have you ever made
Love to a duck”

As I ran to the door,
I said, “you’re clearly a Quack.
Before I leave here, can I
Have my Sheep back?”

Next I was scheduled
To get a brain scan
I’ll tell you right now
It wasn’t my plan

So I lay on this table
And listened to their tunes
The feature was two guys
Named Elmer, playing the spoons

Inside my head they said
There was nuthin’
Just a poor homeless family
Eating Turkey with stuffin’

So next to the Doc
To check my nerve ending
This time I’ll be more careful
When I start bending

Without sticking his finger
Where it doesn’t belong
He said, “I see the problem,
Please come along.”

“Your arms hang at your side
Like two fish on Canal Street.
And when you walk,
You shuffle your feet.”

You’re what we refer to
As a classical Parkie
I’m not pulling your leg
I’m not full of Malarky

Take these ten pills
To stop your tremor and shake
Of course you’ll have trouble
Remaining awake

So that was my story
Which I hope that you enjoyed reading
To put me away
Would take a Legal Proceeding.