March 10, 2011- Ch-Ch-Ch-Changes

Perhaps the toughest part of this disease, is the mystery. Not knowing when, where or if it will get worse. Not knowing if the medications will start having a side effect. But this is truly no different than anybody else, with or without Parkinson’s.

So how do you choose to live your life, knowing that it could drastically change tomorrow. Mickey Mantle, believed that he wouldn’t live past 40. So he drank heavily and caroused, and was all in all a pretty miserable guy. He lived into his mid 60's, when his drinking caught up with him. Not only did he make himself miserable, but all around him suffered.

I don’t drink, and I’m not Mickey Mantle, so carousing has never been an option, but I did at times have the ability to make people miserable around me. I was often moody and sullen. Not a good combination with a quick sarcastic tongue.

Luckily I realized that as much as people may like you, they rightfully, do not want to be around somebody who is self pitying. Although others can avoid you, you can’t avoid yourself. Parkinson’s brought me to this realization. I wanted to have good days, and not bad days. Much of that was in my control.

So this may all end tomorrow, or it may go on for 35 years. Either way, I want my tombstone to say, “He made them laugh,” not, “What a bore.”

November 24, 2010

Am I getting spiritual is my old age? To me religion has merely been a punch line. The only time that I can ever remember seriously asking for help from a greater power was when I was in a multi car accident on the Grand Central Parkway. At that time I figured, "it couldn't hurt."

The whole thought of an invisible man in the sky, I find incomprehensible. Yet I find a spontaneous explosion equally incomprehensible. Don't get me wrong, I'm not like Mickey Mantle, who after a life of heavy drinking and womanizing found God on his deathbed. I would say that my thoughts are similar to Woody Allen's thoughts, "I'm what you'd call a teleological, existential atheist—I believe that there's an intelligence to the universe, with the exception of certain parts of New Jersey."

Why these spiritual thoughts today? Because it's Thanksgiving, and I have a lot to be thankful for. My wife who looks after me, when I refuse to look out for myself. My father, who although gone these past two years, is with me at all times. My Mother, who installed in me a sense of family. My brother and sister, who are my best friends.

I can barely run, walking is a struggle at times, but I've got more to be thankful for than to be angry about.