February 6, 2011. The Odd Couple

"On November 13, Felix Unger was asked to remove himself from his place of residence; that request came from his wife. Deep down, he knew she was right, but he also knew that some day he would return to her. With nowhere else to go, he appeared at the home of his friend, Oscar Madison. Several years earlier, Madison's wife had thrown HIM out, requesting that HE never return. Can two divorced men share an apartment without driving each other crazy?"

I wonder if nature intended people to live together. Now don't get me wrong, population alone dictates that there is no alternative. Sometimes I think that someone said at the beginning of time, "Let's play a joke on mankind. Let's have them mate for life. After all it works for the Pigeons." I'm sure that similar thoughts have crossed everybody's mind.

Add to that the pressure when one person has to be the caretaker for the other. Then add the added stressm when the one being taken care of, feels it's unneccessary.

Tick, Tick, Tick....

The pressure on both parties is incredible. I saw it in my parents when my Dad was ill. I see it now first hand.

How does one accept the fact that there are things that he loved, that he no longer can or should do?

On the other hand how does the caretaker accept the fact, that his or her partner is an adult, with free will, and by thinking him incapable, you may in fact be creating a self fulfilling profecy?

Such a problem?

Is the solution, living alone? Clearly not. Think what would have happened to Oscar if he didn't have Felix. Man can only live so long on Corned Beef and French Fries.

So the answer lies somewhere in the middle. Oscar needs Felix, but Felix must learn,, that it's not up to him to mold Oscar into a second Felix.

January 16, 2011. Fight the Fights that you can win.

On a Parkinson's page of facebook, one of the subscribers mentioned how he had too many beers, they didn't mix well with his medications, and he got into a fight with his wife. Although the first part, too many beers, is unlikely to ever effect me (I've had one beer in 20 years), I sure that any person with PD and the caretaker can relate to the second part.

My wife is a Geriatric Physician. She is brilliant, logical, diligent and disciplined. I am bright, far from brilliant. I am logical when it comes to work, but often illogical in life. I want to live until I die. That attitude leads to bad decisions. I am not diligent. Although I've been quite disciplined when it comes to writing this blog, I am far from disciplined.

Tick, Tick, Tick....

Can you say time bomb? How do we deal with this situation? Often times, not well.

Parkinson's adds stress to a marriage. The role of the caretaker and the inflicted party often clash. I've done things that I shouldn't have, without telling her, in order to avoid a fight. Invariably I feel bad after the fights, because I realize that she is only looking out for my welfare.

So I try to live my life by one rule: Fight the fights that you can win. When I find one, I'll let you know.

January 5, 2011 The Caretaker

I think that this whole process my be tougher on the caretaker than on the inflicted. I saw this with my parents, when my Dad was ill, and now again with my wife.

The problem has multiple aspects:

1) The inflicted party presumably knows precisely how he feels and what he is capable of doing. The caretaker sees the difference from day to day;

2) The inflicted party doesn't want to constantly think about Parkinson's Disease or whatever ailment affects him. The caretaker has no choice.

3) In many cases the caretaker knows more about the disease than the inflicted party.

Although, I write these almost daily, I don't think of myself as ill. I'm more careful in my day to day activities, but that doesn't mean that I will curtail them. I don't know what the correct answer is 1) Giving in to the challenges and discontinuing some activities that might prove problematical. or 2) Pushing the envelope, regardless of, what I consider to be, the slight chance of problem.

The answer is in a compromise.

November 7, 2010

There is a constant debate in life, as to what is more important, the quantity of life or the quality of life.

The caretaker, more often than not female, therefore smarter and more logical than the afflicted party, will always choose quantity. The afflicted party, more often that not male, will invariably choose quality.

My wife is wiser and smarter than I am. But I have more fun.

I should realize that my reckless behavior will have more of a deleterious affect upon her than it does upon me. Ergo, my behavior is selfish.

Early New Years resolution, look in the mirror, you're not 25 anymore, so don't act it.