The following Letter was posted on a Parkinson's support group on Facebook. Following each paragraph, in italics, are my comments.
A LETTER FOR MY FRIENDS AND FAMILY
(author unknown)
I have Parkinson's disease. It is not contagious or hereditary. No one knows what causes it, but some of the dopamine cells in the brain begin to die at an accelerated rate. Everyone slowly loses some dopamine cells as the grow older. If the cells suddenly begin to die at a faster rate, Parkinson's disease develops. It is a slowly progressive disease usually occurring as people get older. Medicine can help. I'll take newer, stronger kinds over the years. Some make me sick and take lots of adjustments. Stick with me. I have good days and bad days.
I'm one of the lucky ones, I too have my good days and bad days, but I've yet to experience a bad day that was so bad, that I felt that I was in any way incapacitated. The Medicines have helped. It's been almost two years since I've increase the dosage or changed the medications. Frankly, since I take them every day. I don't know what I'd be like without them.
Emotions: Sometimes I cry and appear to be upset and you think you have done something to hurt my feelings. Probably not. It is the Parkinson's Keep talking to me. Ignore the tears. I'll be ok in a few minutes.
I've never been one to show my emotions. So there has never been a moment when I've broken down and cried.
Tremors: You are expecting me to shake. Maybe I do, maybe I don't. Medicine today takes care of the tremors. If my hands, feet, or head are shaky, ignore it. I'll sit on my hands or put them in my pockets. Treat me as you always have. What's a little shakiness between friends.
My shakes appear mostly in my legs. When I sit they will sometimes shake uncontrolably, until I can find the correct position to sit in. At a closing, because I am sitting next to my client, instead of across the table, my legs often start up. I'll stand for a moment, using the excuse that my back is stiff. This usually settles them down.
My face: You think you don't entertain me anymore because I'm not grinning or laughing. If I appear to stare at you, or have a wooden expression, that's the Parkinson's I hear you. I have the same intelligence, it just isn't easy to show facial expressions. If swallowing, I may drool. This bothers me, so I will mop it up.
I have no problem laughing, it's by far my favorite thing to do. However, my face has become expressionless. Even when happy, I have to force a smile. I haven't drooled while swallowing, but I do sometimes drool in my sleep.
Stiffness: We are ready to go somewhere and I get up. I can hardly move. Maybe my medicine is wearing off. The stiffness or rigidity is part of Parkinson's Let me take my time, keep talking.
This is a fact of life. Everything that I do takes longer. Now I am somebody who has rarely been late in my life. Now, even for a short trip, I give myself a considerable amount of extra time to get to my destination.
Exercise: I need to walk each day. Two to three miles is good. Walk with me. Company makes walking fun. It may be a slow walk, but I'll get there. Remind me if I slump or stoop. I don't always know I'm doing this. My stretching, bending, exercises must be done everyday. Help me with them if you can.
Whoever wrote this letter was right. When I walk with someone else, I often can walk faster and with less difficulty. My biggest problem is remembering to swing my arms. This is not just a silly trait that humans have, it helps balance. When I move my arms I don't slump or stoop. Ergo, I move much faster.
My voice: As my deeper tones disappear, you'll notice my voice is getting higher and wispy. That's the Parkinson's I know you can talk louder, faster and finish my sentences for me. I don't care for that. Let me talk, get my thoughts together and speak for myself. I'm still there. My mind's okay. Since I'm slower in movement, my thoughts are slower too. I want to be part of the conversation. Let me speak.
My voice is softer and I tend to mumble. I can still bellow when I want to.
Sleeplessness: I may complain that I can't sleep. If I wander around in them middle of the night, that's Parkinson's It has nothing to do with what I ate or how early I went to bed. I may nap during the day. Let me sleep when I can. I can't always control when I'm tired or feel like sleeping. Be patient, my friends. I need you. I'm the same person, I've just slowed down. It's not easy to talk about Parkinson's, but I'll try if you really want to know. I need my friends and family. I want to continue to be part of life. Please remain by my side.
My only problem with sleeping is waiting for my head to hit the pillow. I fall asleep at my desk. I'll lie down on the floor of my office to take a nap. I've even fell asleep in the dentist chair, with a hand in my mouth.
I haven't found that anybody has avoided me. To the contrary, my friends and family have reached out to me, and made a noticable effort to include me in activities.
Saturday, February 5, 2011
Friday, February 4, 2011
February 4, 2011. The Great Escape
My business, like most others, is "what have you done for me lately." Recently a client that I've represented for twelve years threaten to go to another Attorney, because I quoted a $1,250.00 fee on a $500,000.00. In 1998 when they purchased the hone for $287,500.00, I charged them $750.00. Percentage wise the fee actually went down.
I've lost clients due to vacations and sick days. I've even had a client angry at me for being in the bathroom when he called.
Clients often get angry when I can't answer their two favorite questions, 1) "When will the other Attorney call you back?" I don't know, I'll get out my crystal ball and check; 2) "How come my friend didn't have to pay that?" I don't know, I wasn't at you frien'd closing.
Everybody has a friend who is an expert.
So imagine how long I'd be in business if I fell and got hurt. This is my wife's big concern. So on these cold wintery days, I often don't leace the nome office. Of course there are those days when I tunnel out. Invariably the warden catches me, and I'm back in solitary.
As usual she's right. I wouldn't dare tell her otherwise. But what if, just this once, she's mistaken? What if, it's mentally healthier for me to get out occasionally? Oh hell! I'll never win that argument.
So tomorrow, Saturday, I'll be back in my office. Doing work and thinking of My Great escape.
I've lost clients due to vacations and sick days. I've even had a client angry at me for being in the bathroom when he called.
Clients often get angry when I can't answer their two favorite questions, 1) "When will the other Attorney call you back?" I don't know, I'll get out my crystal ball and check; 2) "How come my friend didn't have to pay that?" I don't know, I wasn't at you frien'd closing.
Everybody has a friend who is an expert.
So imagine how long I'd be in business if I fell and got hurt. This is my wife's big concern. So on these cold wintery days, I often don't leace the nome office. Of course there are those days when I tunnel out. Invariably the warden catches me, and I'm back in solitary.
As usual she's right. I wouldn't dare tell her otherwise. But what if, just this once, she's mistaken? What if, it's mentally healthier for me to get out occasionally? Oh hell! I'll never win that argument.
So tomorrow, Saturday, I'll be back in my office. Doing work and thinking of My Great escape.
Thursday, February 3, 2011
February 3, 2011. Stand by Me.
We learn a awful lot from observation and role models. How we act is often an result of that observation.
My Dad, was a wonderful man, although he got old, his spirit never did. He suffered most of his life from Chron's, but never once complained. My mom was his caretaker for the last two years of his life. She was/is tireless and unflinching. I am convinced that he never would have lived those last two years without her diligence.
My wife is brilliant, logical, disciplined. Many of her actions are to make my life safe. Although I don't often express it, in our "Felix and Oscar" existence, Oscar is lucky to have Felix. My Brother and Sister are always there for me. Both at times, have had health issues of their own, and like our father before them, never complained.
My father-in-law, may he rest in peace, fled Poland in the 1920's. Lost a sister in the Holocaust. Experienced Antisemitism here. Yet through it all, he was the only person that I've ever met, who I never heard utter a bad word about somebody else.
I have three wonderful nieces and a wonderful nephew. My Uncles, Aunts and cousins have always been there for me. I come from a family that accepts everybody else for what they are, and are very comfortable with each other, as long as nobody roots for the Mets.
Role models are not limited to family alone. My friends in two offices, have allowed me a place to meet clients, have meetings and basically feel alive. Much of the Parkinson's slow progress I attribute to their generosity. Keeping me vital has helped keep me alive.
The Husband of one of the assistants in my old office, has had Alzheimer's for about ten years. They are both younger than I am. She has never wavered in her pursuit of giving him the best care possible, while at the same time, raising two very nice kids, and becoming an Advocate for people with the disease. Although she'll speak about her life, I've never heard her complain.
At the same time, while she quietly has become a role model for many in the office, there is an attorney to whom every paper cut is a catastrophe. I often wondered how somebody can be so blind.
Through the Parkinson's support groups on facebook, I've met a number of fellow travelers and an equal number of selfless caretakers. We're all from different places in life, yet this disease has brought us together. Each one of these people are there to support somebody whom they've never met. I'm not a religious person, but I believe that these acts are the acts of truly pious people.
While writing this piece, I received a telephone call from the New York Attorney Client fund about an ex-colleague of mine, who stole money from his escrow account. I was asked to audit the file of one of his clients to figure out exactly how much money was missing. This man had a lucrative practice, yet probably lived above his means. I've always felt that this action was worse than robbing a bank. You know to fear the bank robber.
Everybody has problems. Some people create their own. Most problems are worse than mine.
My Dad, was a wonderful man, although he got old, his spirit never did. He suffered most of his life from Chron's, but never once complained. My mom was his caretaker for the last two years of his life. She was/is tireless and unflinching. I am convinced that he never would have lived those last two years without her diligence.
My wife is brilliant, logical, disciplined. Many of her actions are to make my life safe. Although I don't often express it, in our "Felix and Oscar" existence, Oscar is lucky to have Felix. My Brother and Sister are always there for me. Both at times, have had health issues of their own, and like our father before them, never complained.
My father-in-law, may he rest in peace, fled Poland in the 1920's. Lost a sister in the Holocaust. Experienced Antisemitism here. Yet through it all, he was the only person that I've ever met, who I never heard utter a bad word about somebody else.
I have three wonderful nieces and a wonderful nephew. My Uncles, Aunts and cousins have always been there for me. I come from a family that accepts everybody else for what they are, and are very comfortable with each other, as long as nobody roots for the Mets.
Role models are not limited to family alone. My friends in two offices, have allowed me a place to meet clients, have meetings and basically feel alive. Much of the Parkinson's slow progress I attribute to their generosity. Keeping me vital has helped keep me alive.
The Husband of one of the assistants in my old office, has had Alzheimer's for about ten years. They are both younger than I am. She has never wavered in her pursuit of giving him the best care possible, while at the same time, raising two very nice kids, and becoming an Advocate for people with the disease. Although she'll speak about her life, I've never heard her complain.
At the same time, while she quietly has become a role model for many in the office, there is an attorney to whom every paper cut is a catastrophe. I often wondered how somebody can be so blind.
Through the Parkinson's support groups on facebook, I've met a number of fellow travelers and an equal number of selfless caretakers. We're all from different places in life, yet this disease has brought us together. Each one of these people are there to support somebody whom they've never met. I'm not a religious person, but I believe that these acts are the acts of truly pious people.
While writing this piece, I received a telephone call from the New York Attorney Client fund about an ex-colleague of mine, who stole money from his escrow account. I was asked to audit the file of one of his clients to figure out exactly how much money was missing. This man had a lucrative practice, yet probably lived above his means. I've always felt that this action was worse than robbing a bank. You know to fear the bank robber.
Everybody has problems. Some people create their own. Most problems are worse than mine.
February 3, 2011. Baby you can drive my car
In High School, driving did not come easy to me. It was not natural and I was extremely nervous. But once I got the feel of it, the fear was gone. I would drive anywhere. Weekend trips to the Carolinas , overnight trips to Cooperstown, day trips to southern Vermont.
It now is sometimes difficult for me to get comfortable in a car. What had become instinctive, no longer was. I find that Parkinson's robs me of many of my instinct. I have to think about things that once came naturally.
Now I find that the best time for me to drive is between 12:30 PM and 4 PM. I have the proper balance of medications, hence, I'm comfortable and confident.
On a winterly day, about six months after the diagnosis, I was driving to my dentist. The traffic on the Northern State Parkway was stop and go. While moving along at snail's pace, I was hit from behind. After being hit, for some reason I couldn't get my right foot to move to the brake. Hence I hit a van in front of me. The second collision was so minor that there was no damage to either car. The first collision was clearly not my fault.
The young girl who hit me, sustained the greater damage to her car. My car had a minor dent, that I didn't pursue.
What concerned me then, and concerns me to this day, was my slow reaction time.
I was a Third baseman. I was a Hockey Goaltender. My reactions were terrific. A reaction like that should be instinctive. To this date 5 years later, it was a one time occurrence, that I don't want to test again.
My driving habits have changed considerably. I never drive at night, I try to avoid driving in inclement weather. I clearly am not aggressive on the roads. If I'm being tailgated, I get out of the way. If there is the slightest chance of my having to drive, I won't have as much as one glass of wine.
My car has over 200,000 miles on it. It's the last car that I will ever own. I don't drive that much anymore. Although I had come to enjoy driving, I don't miss driving per se. I miss the freedom that results from having that option. I will never again drive to the Carolinas, with the full Beatles and Simon and Garfunkel collection playing on the CD. I will never again wake up on a Saturday morning and say, "Let's drive up to Newport for dinner."
I also realize that there are far worse problems than not being able to go to Newport for dinner. All in All, I've been lucky. Mass transit in NYC is very convenient.
The subways have signs posted saying, "No spitting, $100.00 fine." Since Parkinson's makes it difficult to spit, look at all the money that I've saved.
It now is sometimes difficult for me to get comfortable in a car. What had become instinctive, no longer was. I find that Parkinson's robs me of many of my instinct. I have to think about things that once came naturally.
Now I find that the best time for me to drive is between 12:30 PM and 4 PM. I have the proper balance of medications, hence, I'm comfortable and confident.
On a winterly day, about six months after the diagnosis, I was driving to my dentist. The traffic on the Northern State Parkway was stop and go. While moving along at snail's pace, I was hit from behind. After being hit, for some reason I couldn't get my right foot to move to the brake. Hence I hit a van in front of me. The second collision was so minor that there was no damage to either car. The first collision was clearly not my fault.
The young girl who hit me, sustained the greater damage to her car. My car had a minor dent, that I didn't pursue.
What concerned me then, and concerns me to this day, was my slow reaction time.
I was a Third baseman. I was a Hockey Goaltender. My reactions were terrific. A reaction like that should be instinctive. To this date 5 years later, it was a one time occurrence, that I don't want to test again.
My driving habits have changed considerably. I never drive at night, I try to avoid driving in inclement weather. I clearly am not aggressive on the roads. If I'm being tailgated, I get out of the way. If there is the slightest chance of my having to drive, I won't have as much as one glass of wine.
My car has over 200,000 miles on it. It's the last car that I will ever own. I don't drive that much anymore. Although I had come to enjoy driving, I don't miss driving per se. I miss the freedom that results from having that option. I will never again drive to the Carolinas, with the full Beatles and Simon and Garfunkel collection playing on the CD. I will never again wake up on a Saturday morning and say, "Let's drive up to Newport for dinner."
I also realize that there are far worse problems than not being able to go to Newport for dinner. All in All, I've been lucky. Mass transit in NYC is very convenient.
The subways have signs posted saying, "No spitting, $100.00 fine." Since Parkinson's makes it difficult to spit, look at all the money that I've saved.
Wednesday, February 2, 2011
February 2, 2011. I'm only sleeping
I did it again this afternoon, I know that society frowns about such conduct. It's not as if I do it everyday. You've got me, I do do it everyday. And damn it why shouldn't I? I'm very good at it. Oh, I've heard it all, "It's not the proper thing to do." "What will the neighbors say?" and "How's the Pot Roast today?"
I ask you, what's wrong with it? In many places in this world, it is part of the everyday culture. Another thing, I think that it's good for my Health. In fact, I'll confess, I've even taken an occasional respite from writing to do it.
I don't care what anybody says, If I want to take a nap i the middle of the afternoon, I'm going to do it.
It's probably the medications, but I fall asleep an awful lot these days. Now that I think about it, for about a year before I was diagnosed, I would have trouble keeping my eyes open on drives. I would pull over or switch places with my wife. Very often it just took 5 minutes of walking around to wake me up. I wonder if this was the first sign.
It effects so many different parts of the body.
My facial skin flakes. My face takes on a mask like look. My shoulders sometimes slump forward as I walk. My right are hangs limber at my side, unless I consciously move it. My index finger on my right hand curls, my legs shake, my toes curl slightly.
Now how does that sound for a personal ad?
I ask you, what's wrong with it? In many places in this world, it is part of the everyday culture. Another thing, I think that it's good for my Health. In fact, I'll confess, I've even taken an occasional respite from writing to do it.
I don't care what anybody says, If I want to take a nap i the middle of the afternoon, I'm going to do it.
It's probably the medications, but I fall asleep an awful lot these days. Now that I think about it, for about a year before I was diagnosed, I would have trouble keeping my eyes open on drives. I would pull over or switch places with my wife. Very often it just took 5 minutes of walking around to wake me up. I wonder if this was the first sign.
It effects so many different parts of the body.
My facial skin flakes. My face takes on a mask like look. My shoulders sometimes slump forward as I walk. My right are hangs limber at my side, unless I consciously move it. My index finger on my right hand curls, my legs shake, my toes curl slightly.
Now how does that sound for a personal ad?
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