After a week of working out of home, I finally in an office again today. It's so strange how one's perspective on life changes based upon life changing circumstances.
Six years ago, if asked what I most want in life I would have said 1) A Mallomar, 2) Another championship for the Yankees, 3) A new career. Today although numbers 1 and 2 remain paramount, given the choice I'd either take a new career or be able to continue the one that I have. The important part is remaining vital.
I used to ask my dad when he was in his seventies, when he was going to retire. He'd say maybe next year. I now understand why.
I don't doubt that it is satisfactory for some people to completely retire, but it will never be for me. Just like my father, I wouldn't know what to do with myself. I would no longer feel vital.
Keep in mind that the mind has wonderful powers to heal. I don't think that it's going to cure me, but the more that I follow my old routine, or establish a new routine where I feel that I'm not a burden, the disease will progress slower.
Tuesday, January 4, 2011
Monday, January 3, 2011
January 3, 2010. Regrets, I've had a Few
There are some rough times. Today until the Medications kicked in, I was struggling. Whenever something like that happens, I feel more mortal.
I'm not in as much of a state of denial as I've claim to be. I've read a good deal about the disease, and I know what it can do.
There are certain things that scare the living daylights out of me. 1) The possibility of ending in an Adult Care facility; 2) Any loss of mental capacity; 3) The Yankees signing Carl Pavano.
There is little that I can do about numbers 1 and 2 except exercise my brain and body. There is nothing I can do about number 3.
When I get these feelings of mortality, I start thinking of regrets that I may have had.
1) I regret most of all not having children. I won't get into that any further at this time.
2) I regret not having purchased Long Term Health Care Insurance. If you are over 40, look into this. A nursing home can cost up to $500.00 a day. Medicaid is available for some, but it is a poverty program. Therefore planning should be done how to best qualify and not deplete all of your assets.
3) I regret not getting Life Insurance. I always figured that I had time and without kids, I didn't really need it. Now it's too late.
There is still some planning that can be done. But for now, what I can do is advise my friends not to make the same mistakes. Go see an Elder Law Attorney. Get your affairs in line. It may not be able to wait for tomorrow.
I'm not in as much of a state of denial as I've claim to be. I've read a good deal about the disease, and I know what it can do.
There are certain things that scare the living daylights out of me. 1) The possibility of ending in an Adult Care facility; 2) Any loss of mental capacity; 3) The Yankees signing Carl Pavano.
There is little that I can do about numbers 1 and 2 except exercise my brain and body. There is nothing I can do about number 3.
When I get these feelings of mortality, I start thinking of regrets that I may have had.
1) I regret most of all not having children. I won't get into that any further at this time.
2) I regret not having purchased Long Term Health Care Insurance. If you are over 40, look into this. A nursing home can cost up to $500.00 a day. Medicaid is available for some, but it is a poverty program. Therefore planning should be done how to best qualify and not deplete all of your assets.
3) I regret not getting Life Insurance. I always figured that I had time and without kids, I didn't really need it. Now it's too late.
There is still some planning that can be done. But for now, what I can do is advise my friends not to make the same mistakes. Go see an Elder Law Attorney. Get your affairs in line. It may not be able to wait for tomorrow.
Sunday, January 2, 2011
January 2, 2011. Angry Young Man
Why are we incensed by the rantings of the less than mentally titanic celebrity? That was not meant critically, my vitriol to those who use their accidental fame to spew hate, is equally baffling.
There have been many such incidents but three in the last decade stand out.
1) The New York Knicks, April 2001. A New York Times writer, Eric Konigsberg, had been attending a bible study run by Charlie Ward of the Knicks. Ward addressing the writer asked, ''Jews are stubborn, E. But tell me, why did they persecute Jesus unless he knew something they didn't want to accept?''
''They had his blood on their hands,'' Ward added.
Allan Houston, then cited a passage in the New Testament: ''Matthew 26, verse 67. Then they spit in Jesus' face and hit him with their fists.''
Ward added: ''There are Christians getting persecuted by Jews every day. There's been books written about this -- people who are raised Jewish and find Christ, and then their parents stop talking to them.''
At the time I shared a Knick season ticket. My friend and I have never attended a game since then.
I'm sure that this bothers the Knicks. After all we split a pretzel and drank one bottle of water each at the game. Now, I'm sure those tickets are used by people who drink a six pack each.
2) The second was Mel Gibson. who during a DUI arrest in 2006 was captured on tape. shouting anti-semitic remarks to a Jewish policeman. I understand that the current issue of GQ, quotes WInona Ryder that Gibson was anti-Semitic and homophobic, but “No one believed me.”
Ryder said that at a Hollywood party 15 years ago, Gibson called Jews “oven dodgers,” referring to the ovens of the Nazi extermination camps—a term she said she had never heard before.
Long after his Anti-Semitic rantings, Gibson was still a regular guest star on Jay Leno. I guess that Jay is more forgiving than I.
3) The third incident, involves Rush Limbaugh and Michael J. Fox. After a series of political ads, in which Fox, who suffers from Parkinson's Disease, and has been a tireless spokesman for others who suffer, supported candidates who favored Stem Cell research. Limbaugh without the benefit of any research said, "He is exaggerating the effects of the disease... He's moving all around and shaking and it's purely an act. . . . This is really shameless of Michael J. Fox. Either he didn't take his medication or he's acting."
"This is the only time I've ever seen Michael J. Fox portray any of the symptoms of the disease he has," Limbaugh said. "He can barely control himself." Later, still on the air, Limbaugh would apologize.
Why do I care what these people say. Ward and Houston are now ex-athletes. Their statements were made out of stupidity and should be given no credence. Gibson, it seems, may finally be a non issue. Everybody knows he is a bigot. I doubt that he will ever be a success again. Limbaugh is still on the air. Maybe more powerful than ever. He has unexplainable control over the Republican party. This is far from the first or the last time that this man was guilty of irresponsible journalism. This man is the second coming of Father Coughlin.
Somebody will respond to this and say that, "every time you write something negative about him you're giving him what he wants. If we ignore him, we make him less important." Yes and no. Because he has such a large and loud following we must continue to point out every time he makes a bigoted, insensitive or uninformed statement.
I believe in the First Amendment. He can say what he wants. It is also my first Amendment right to say what I want. The only way to shut him up is to show him for the person that he is. Like Father Coughlin before him, we must shut him up. The way to do that is to keep hammering at his lies, until all know him for the person that he is, and his ratings take him off of the air.
There have been many such incidents but three in the last decade stand out.
1) The New York Knicks, April 2001. A New York Times writer, Eric Konigsberg, had been attending a bible study run by Charlie Ward of the Knicks. Ward addressing the writer asked, ''Jews are stubborn, E. But tell me, why did they persecute Jesus unless he knew something they didn't want to accept?''
''They had his blood on their hands,'' Ward added.
Allan Houston, then cited a passage in the New Testament: ''Matthew 26, verse 67. Then they spit in Jesus' face and hit him with their fists.''
Ward added: ''There are Christians getting persecuted by Jews every day. There's been books written about this -- people who are raised Jewish and find Christ, and then their parents stop talking to them.''
At the time I shared a Knick season ticket. My friend and I have never attended a game since then.
I'm sure that this bothers the Knicks. After all we split a pretzel and drank one bottle of water each at the game. Now, I'm sure those tickets are used by people who drink a six pack each.
2) The second was Mel Gibson. who during a DUI arrest in 2006 was captured on tape. shouting anti-semitic remarks to a Jewish policeman. I understand that the current issue of GQ, quotes WInona Ryder that Gibson was anti-Semitic and homophobic, but “No one believed me.”
Ryder said that at a Hollywood party 15 years ago, Gibson called Jews “oven dodgers,” referring to the ovens of the Nazi extermination camps—a term she said she had never heard before.
Long after his Anti-Semitic rantings, Gibson was still a regular guest star on Jay Leno. I guess that Jay is more forgiving than I.
3) The third incident, involves Rush Limbaugh and Michael J. Fox. After a series of political ads, in which Fox, who suffers from Parkinson's Disease, and has been a tireless spokesman for others who suffer, supported candidates who favored Stem Cell research. Limbaugh without the benefit of any research said, "He is exaggerating the effects of the disease... He's moving all around and shaking and it's purely an act. . . . This is really shameless of Michael J. Fox. Either he didn't take his medication or he's acting."
"This is the only time I've ever seen Michael J. Fox portray any of the symptoms of the disease he has," Limbaugh said. "He can barely control himself." Later, still on the air, Limbaugh would apologize.
Why do I care what these people say. Ward and Houston are now ex-athletes. Their statements were made out of stupidity and should be given no credence. Gibson, it seems, may finally be a non issue. Everybody knows he is a bigot. I doubt that he will ever be a success again. Limbaugh is still on the air. Maybe more powerful than ever. He has unexplainable control over the Republican party. This is far from the first or the last time that this man was guilty of irresponsible journalism. This man is the second coming of Father Coughlin.
Somebody will respond to this and say that, "every time you write something negative about him you're giving him what he wants. If we ignore him, we make him less important." Yes and no. Because he has such a large and loud following we must continue to point out every time he makes a bigoted, insensitive or uninformed statement.
I believe in the First Amendment. He can say what he wants. It is also my first Amendment right to say what I want. The only way to shut him up is to show him for the person that he is. Like Father Coughlin before him, we must shut him up. The way to do that is to keep hammering at his lies, until all know him for the person that he is, and his ratings take him off of the air.
Saturday, January 1, 2011
January 1, 2011. The Doctor is In.
Why do I write? Is it because I am going through a midlife crisis, and I can do this without guilt! How can you suffer a midlife crisis at 54? A male with PD is not likely to make it to 108. Calling it a late in life crisis sounds too depressing. So I'll continue my state of denial and call it a midlife crisis. Basically, I write because I can and it's what I've always wanted to do.
Do I think that I'll be published? Well a boy can dream! I've done nothing to further that ambition. Maybe that way I cannot consider myself a failure.
The first thing that I wrote that showed any talent, was a parody in High School called "The Spiro Agnew Show." The basic story line was that Dick Cavatt was replaced for the night by the then Vice President Spiro Agnew. It went over well in front of a bunch of Liberals.
Then as a senior project a good friend and I wrote a book about our High School. Upon recently rereading the book, I found it to be at times very funny, but at times mean spirited. For that reason, it will never see the light of day again. Although we got a fine grade on the project, it was extremely amateurish.
My friend, before he passed, went on to become a writer of some renowned. The fact that we didn't see each other for the last 10 years of his life, will forever haunt me.
I am an Attorney. I hate being an Attorney. I may be the worst Attorney in the world. Then again I may be the best. Why the contradiction, because I am not a prick! To be a great Attorney you may have to be devoid of sympathy, compassion and anything else that separates us from the Republicans. I am not devoid of these characteristics, hence I am also not rich. Oh, I do a good job for my clients, it's just that I fail sometimes to do a good job for myself.
I am a New York, Liberal. As you may have already guessed I grew up in a Woody Allen movie. I am married to a very fine woman, but I don't know if I treat her as well as I should. I am lazy, I've always been lazy. I believe "Don't do today what you can put off until tomorrow." Maybe writing will be cathartic, and I will change.
The combination of laziness and guilt is not good. I still feel bad about not handing in my English essay to Mrs. Feldman 37 years ago. I guess it's time to get over it.
Many questions occur to me. I wonder if I'll be too lazy to continue this blog. I wonder if anyone will care. I wonder if Rodriguez can survive on $275,000,000.00. I wonder who are the 9% who actually approved of Dick Cheney were. He made me long for the days of Spiro Agnew. I wonder if Ann Coulter's parents are embarrassed. I can see them walking around with a fake nose and glasses.
One reason that I write, I sure is for therapy. This is my couch, and you are my therapists. So put up a sign, that says "The Doctor is in." Charge me my nickel and let's go.
January 1, 2011. A New Beginning
No matter how many pieces I write, no matter how much my leg shakes, no matter how stiff I look, I still don't think of myself as at all impaired.
I can't. It's not something that I'm willing to accept or give into.
I resolve for 2011. 1) Not to get a handicapped parking sticker; 2) Not to go on disability; 3) Not to slow down at work, in fact, I resolve to bring the business back to what it was pre-Parkinson's; 4) Not to make excuses why I'm not exercising.
There are certain things that can't be done. The Scarecrow, in the Wizard of Oz will never understand Geometry. (The Scarecrow says, "The sum of the square roots of any two sides of an iscoceles triangle, is equal to the square root of the remaining side." Why is he wrong?) "You can't light a match on a bar of soap." (Stan Laurel) An nobody can explain the virtues of "The English Patient" to me.
This being said, there is no reason to give in to PD. In a year when I revisit this, I will be in a better condition than I am today.
Happy New Year.
I can't. It's not something that I'm willing to accept or give into.
I resolve for 2011. 1) Not to get a handicapped parking sticker; 2) Not to go on disability; 3) Not to slow down at work, in fact, I resolve to bring the business back to what it was pre-Parkinson's; 4) Not to make excuses why I'm not exercising.
There are certain things that can't be done. The Scarecrow, in the Wizard of Oz will never understand Geometry. (The Scarecrow says, "The sum of the square roots of any two sides of an iscoceles triangle, is equal to the square root of the remaining side." Why is he wrong?) "You can't light a match on a bar of soap." (Stan Laurel) An nobody can explain the virtues of "The English Patient" to me.
This being said, there is no reason to give in to PD. In a year when I revisit this, I will be in a better condition than I am today.
Happy New Year.
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